Psycho Landlord - Part 1

Moving out of home for the first time to me was absolutely terrifying. I had no job, I didn't really understand WHY the fuck I was moving in the first place, just knew I didn't want to be where I was. I don't think that I was fully prepared for it either. Not that you get a manual in school of what exactly to do when your landlord bursts into your apartment on your first morning of being in the apartment telling you to get the fuck out because of complaints and insisting that your apartment smells of drugs with about 8 randomers collapsed on your floor. So when he knocked down the bedroom door my mouth was so dry and I was still absolutely hammered that the only words I managed to half-arse scream was 'I DONT LIKE DRUG!!!!!'.....Super. He also brought his sidekick, who, without a doubt was born in the fucking mountains. The man thought that roaring around my apartment at everyone as if he was gathering a herd of fucking cows was perfectly acceptable. TRAUMA.

So as the landlord ripped all the gorgeous fairy lights out of the wonderfully decorated apartment insisting they were stupid flowers, I eventually persuaded him to leave and let us clean up. BAD IDEA. Me and my roommate Catriona basically fucked the horrible looking urn (which we found in the back garden and for some reason became our un-emptied disgusting-smelling ashtray over the summer) into the bathroom along with all the bags of rubbish and the bottles. After being there for one night, that probably was our time to leave. But no, we fought for the weird 1950's oven, the banjaxed windows, the 500 flies that lived with us in the apartment, the washing machine that made our clothes smell sick and most of all the shower that was as productive as two people spitting on your head. This was less than 24 hours of moving into the apartment. I ended up spending a whole fucking Summer there....

Can't tell you all my landlord's psycho behaviour in one post so there's more to follow.......Lots more.

x

Stealing is bad M'KAY!

So basically in my apartment on Adelaide Road my electricity is charged by me putting a €2 coin into the meter box. Which is absolutely infuriating as it can go at any moment so during the big freeze when it was minus ridiculous outside I was clearly living on the edge of nervousness cause all hell would break loose if my electric blanket went and I had no €2 coin on me. So one day, while I was in my height of poverty and starvation, I thought it would be an amazing idea to shape a wire hanger to fit into the box and basically scrape each coin out one-by-one. After 45 minutes of scraping every two euro out for dear life I figured I'd gathered enough for my day to day activities i.e. lie in bed and order dominoes. Which was debatably the nicest dominoes I've ever had.

So since I figured how to do this whenever my shower decided to stop mid-way i'd just 'recycle' a coin as like clearly it's free now. But lately i've been really struggling to get any coins out, as the fucking coin box has about a total of €4 in it now. So basically I'M FUCKED. I met my landlord yesterday 'cause I had to pick up a spare set of keys off him so he proceeds to enter into my apartment and look around mentioning that he has to get the money out of the coin box. My heart dropped faster than Paris Hilton's mom seeing her on her knee's for Rick Soloman. So while he dangled his keys my heart was beating faster, and my face looked like my 56 year old maths teacher gettin' awkward hot flushes during class. So when he said he couldn't find them I don't think I've ever been as relieved in my entire life. Imagine the absolute awkwardness of him opening the coin box to find 2 x €2 coin's..

So I've a week to come up with a good 30 €2 coins and slip them secretly in the side of the box without temptation of taking money from that box ever again. 

FML. Kids - Don't steal, and don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die.  Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up . . . Just don’t do it, promise?

x

New Year. New Start.....Me Bollix!

So I'm finally starting up this fucking blog which I setup about three months ago but my laziness got the best of me, which if you know me, is absolutely no shocker at all. So I've finished semester one (which compiled of me going to about 6 lectures - I like sleep. Whevs.) and I'm hoping to be better at being a college student this semester and avoid having the most ridiculous sleeping pattern known to man - But we'll see how long I can actually stick to that.

NYE - ABSOLUTELY-FUCKING-RIDICULOUSLY-AMAZING-NIGHT.
The gang started off at Alex's gaff for pre-drinks. I decided that two bottles of wine and four cans would get me sufficiently drunk (plan went up the shits when James McLShitebag decided to gulp one of the bottles behind my back) so we went to WAR for about an hour which was seriously packed. Sweated like a motherfucker for too long  hopped in a taxi and went to party-of-the-fucking-year at Eimear Fitzmaurice's gaff. Serious credit to the girl for havin' the balls to have one with the fucking huge crowd. I've never realised how actually ridiculous me and my friends are when we're fucked (take it as you will!). We we're like actual creptiles jumpin' around the gaff. So come 10am when everyone looked like washed up heroin addicts and smelled of shame I decided to go home but as my luck would have it I lost my keys. Absolute stress as I've never wanted a bed so much in my life. So I trecked in a taxi to Jack's house in Monkstown and lived there for 2 days, had a million hour sleep and fattened up all evening on chinese and his mum's Pasgetti Bolo which was lavlay. Watched American Beauty and went to sklep sklep.
So basically my New Years weekend was an absolute WIN.

This was the majority of us at Alex's for countdown. Minus Aimee Lyons and Matthew Feeney - AWFUL! 

Creds to James for the photo and all the other brillo ones of the night.

One of the guys stumbled across this video a few months ago and I'm still obsessed with it.
There's twinks, freaks and elderly drag queens (with meat grinders?), wigs, lesbian tennis players, muscle boys cleaning cars and orange spandex disco pants and an absolute symphonic tune by The Irrepressibles.
TOO GOOD!

x